I was invited to several graduation parties today. I know people who have kids who have or will be graduating from kindergarten, fourth, fifth, sixth, and eighth grades and even high school. I’m sorry but when I was a useful human* I taught in public, private, and charter schools and matriculating between the grades isn’t an epic crucible that requires me to show up at your home with a gift for your child.
We’re having too many graduations. Sure, there is something to be said for marking the passage from one educational setting to the next and closure is important. They’re going some place else next year and as a teacher I liked the opportunity to say, ‘good-bye and we enjoyed having you here.’ One person I taught with, we’ll call her ‘Tonya,’ may (or may not) have flipped the bird at the busses as they left on the last day with kids. One person I taught with, we’ll call him “me” would always be sad to see them go.
However, graduation is for seniors and kindergarteners. Kindergarteners are cute and everything they do is adorable, especially their sports. Kindergarten soccer is the best stuff on Earth. It’s a swarm of screaming germs chasing a ball that will eventually collapse and then get up and start again. Don’t judge me, you watch NASCAR and how rednecks turning left for several hours is entertaining is beyond me. Seniors have accomplished something, whether it is academic or hoop jumping, and that deserves an “attaboy.”
This has nothing to do with me growing up in a world where no one loved me or marked milestones in my life, this is about me calling you out on soliciting a video game for Junior because he’s moved to the next grade. People are making themselves crazy with what they’re doing ‘for’ their children. Parents add stress to their lives one-upping each other all the time. Cut it out.
If all the parents of America called a truce in their war to be the flashiest parent they’d be happier and their kids wouldn’t notice the lack of parties and lavish presents. It’s the old truth of generic cereals: the kids don’t know they’re missing the brand names because they’ve never tasted it. You don’t have to pile on the extravagance to show off. Do something fun and inexpensive. Science has shown us that kids don’t want you to spend money on them: they covet your time. You throw that big party for you because you don’t or won’t have time for your kid.
Oddly enough, I’m not going to the parties or sending a gift on. Normally I’d put up with it for the companionship but I gave that up for Lent.
* Don’t tell me I’m useful now, it only antagonizes me
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